I just felt like writing...

I have a knife in my hand, I don't know what to do with it.

I HAVE A KNIFE IN MY HAND. I don't know what to do with it.

~It feels weird. Somehow, thinking of the word 'weird' itself is weird. Like the letters, when I look at them long enough, it doesn't seem to like make sense. Why isn't mom calling me for dinner? I heard her calling out my brother, but why not me? I was singing along to 'Who wrote Holden Caulfield?', "There's a boy who fogs his world and now he's getting lazy. There's no motivation and frustration's makes him crazy"~

I've got a knife in my hand but I don't know what to do with it.

~Suddenly my memory was awaken. I could see my teenage self talking to my lover. He's standing there with his half untucked shirt, messy hair and his oh so charming face. Knowing that he'll never be with us again feels like 'The end of the world", was an understatement of reality. It was a long time ago but it feels like it lasted a lifetime. I wish I could change our family. Wishing my sons would have what I couldn't achieve~

I have a knife in my hand but I don't think I know what to do with it.

~It's been a while but I feels like I should have said "I Love You". She's the best I've ever had but I'm too scared or too dumb to admit it. All I want is for her to understand that when I took her hand, it's because I wanted to~

There's a knife in my hand. I think I wanna kill.

So there I was, standing somewhere in the kitchen, hands leaning on the sink. My mind felt like it just entered my body. I had bloods stains on my shirt, so gruesome I didn't even have time to name the colour. It's so weird. I had a knife in my hand, but why? What happened? I saw memories of my mom's and my two brothers. Their most deepest thoughts were in my head. Could I read them? Could I see them? Why were they in my mind? I dropped the knife. Hearing the sound it made when it landed on the floor. Then I felt like me again. I turned and saw bodies on the floor. I couldn't identify them the moment I saw them but slowly I realised that it was my family. What did I just do? I looked at my blood stained hands. Suddenly I realised...

I have a knife in my hand but I don't what to do with it.