"I don't wanna waste my time, becoming another casualty of society. I don't wanna fall in line, becoming another victim of conformity" - Fat Lip
Fat Lip by a band called Sum 41 was a song that I could easily say has changed my life. Everyone has a moment or a series of events that changed their life. Well mine was sort of this. If it wasn't for this band, and if it wasn't for this song specifically, I would have been a totally different person.
I was nine when I first heard this song. My older brother bought a CD called 'All Killer No Filler', and somehow, I couldn't stop listening to the record. I couldn't put it down. I couldn't stop listening to it. It was something completely different and new to what I've heard so far. And that kind of feeling was weird but good I guess. I mean the record had a strong and angry vibe to it that suits me. I didn't understand the lyrics at that age but I just sang it, I sang it out loud. It sounds gibberish but I sang my heart out. It felt right. It just felt right.
Surprisingly, what I've found out over the years was that this kind of music was already in my blood. It has always been. The whole punk rock idea was in me. I remember when I was 8 years old, I loved to play a game called 'Tony Hawk Pro Skater' on our family's Playstation. I could sing along to the whole soundtrack, not to the actual lyrics but to the melodies. I was 8! Humming to songs from bands like The Vandals, Dead Kennedys, The Ramones and Bad Religion. I don't think anyone did that, or at least not many.
It's just that the song 'Fat Lip' sort of got me into the whole rebellious stage. It's the reason I skipped school and started lying and all that crap that I posted in the first blog. It hit me, the feeling of being a part of something exclusive. The feeling that no one else knows this band or this song but me, or just basically saying, being selfish. And I liked that feeling. No one knew the songs that I loved to sing. No one else knows but me.
After many years, I found the lyrics and learnt the meaning of the song. What I've found out was pretty cool. The song totally describes how I felt and how I lived my life, especially when I was around 8-9 years old.
"As a kid, was a skid, and no one knew my name"; "Well I'm a no good nick lower middle class brat, back packed and I don't give a shit about nothing"; "I'm sick of always hearing 'Act your age' ".
I was never the same kid again…
~~~
I’ve had many events that happened to me when I was young. This song reminds me of an incident I encountered when I was 9 years old. I could remember it clearly in my head right now…
Class has ended. It was 12 o’clock. I think it was a Wednesday, or a Thursday. I couldn’t remember what day it was but I knew it was in the middle of the week. I was the last person to leave class. Having a very heavy bag pack, I walked slowly down the hall and down the stairs.
First of all, I wasn’t the most popular kid in school. I was a loner I guess. I had friends but I had no close friends, no best friends. I was made fun of almost everyday. People all around was staring at me cause I was different. I was overweight, the most overweight kid in school and no one, well almost no one wanted to talk to me.
So there I was, walking down the hall when three students confronted me. The bullies. I called them ‘The Three Dumb Mice’, well not in front of them. They’ve made fun of me every single day of school.
But on that day, it was different. I felt different. I felt like saying enough is enough.
The first guy had called me from a far. Knowing I couldn’t turn back as it was a dead end, I walked towards them. Slowly that is. With my hands in my pocket, head down, I walked. Well it was more like dragging my feet. I dragged my feet slowly towards those bullies.
The two guys then went to pull my bag down. I was ‘unarmed’, feeling like I was naked with my back exposed. The first guy then came up to me, centimeters from my face, and grabbed me by my collar with one hand and the other squeezing my cheeks.
“Hey Fat Ass! Why you so fat? Why you fat?”
I was correcting his grammar in my head. I mean even I could think of a better way to make fun of myself.
But I was accustomed to this that I didn’t even bother to call for help. I’ve always waited it out and endure the pain and humiliation. But that day, on that day I snapped.
Pushing him back, I was now in control of my physical self. He stumbled and took a few steps back, regaining his balance. The other two guys were beside him, astonished.
In my head I was like,
“Fuck this. Fuck them. I’ve had enough.”
And so I said to them, shouting to be exact,
“Fuck you! Fuck you, you dumb ass!”
I didn’t look at them when I shouted. I had my eyes closed and my hands by my side ready to be hit once more. After yelling, I slowly opened my eyes.
And they were stoned.
I pushed him again but this time he stood still. He was ready for that blow. Knowing I made a mistake, I took a quick step back but he pushed me down to the floor and stomped me like as if I was on fire. I felt the burn. I felt the worst that day, that moment.
I blacked out and regain consciousness in the sick bay. I’ve just got the beating from hell. But I liked it. It really felt weird but I knew deep inside that it was different. That one moment where I stood up for myself, I felt like I was king.
~~~
That was one of the many incidents that I could recall every time I listened to the song.
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